Team Two Wheel Blog – Dr. Spalm Answers your questions (guest post)

Dr. Spalm – I am an organizer of a local racing team. We have a bunch of riders and cover all categories, from first-time racers to experienced and fast folks. After an unfortunate and nauseating experience last year, I am interested in instituting a new rule that would limit the purchase of skin suits to those team members who are really skinny enough to not gross people out. Any suggestions?
Open-minded, but not THAT open-minded

Dear Mostly Open-Minded:
Thank you for the opportunity to address this issue. A few years ago Dr. Spalm was actively petioning Wal-Mart to stop selling white cotton/lycra stretch pants to women that should NOT, under any circumstances, be wearing such garments. These poor women apparently did not own mirrors, nor were they aware that to cut costs, these pants had a limited amount of fabric that was forced to stretch extraordinary distances to cover their subjects. As such, these pants became lattice-like and see-through and not movie star “how could I have not known that when the paparazzi took flash pictures these intimate body parts would be “accidentally” exposed” see through, but instead “Omar the Tent-Maker had 3-packs of these panties with teddy bears on them” see through. Let’s just say that Wal-Mart was steadfast in their stand that women of ALL sizes should be able to wear cotton/lycra stretch pants, but thankfully they have fallen out of fashion.

So, where does that leave us with skin suits. You might consider some simple objective tests, such as a percentage body-fat test or a BMI index rating. You might also consider pointing out to these large, or more likely, extra-large, riders that their speed on a bicycle is not being limited by the aerodynamics of their clothing as much as the extra weight being supported by their bike frame. However, these might all lead to uncomfortable conversations in which reality is unpleasantly imposed on the dreams of these undertrained and overfed riders. Instead, I suggest that you tell them the skinsuits are not made in their sizes and if they persist in finding factual information to the contrary, the best option is to lose their orders and ask them to wait until next year when team clothing is re-ordered.

Lastly, I would like to make it clear that Dr. Spalm is not opposed to extra large riders (Chapeau mon ami, Rider 3), but is merely opposed to skinsuits (or white cotton/lycra stretch pants) on these generously-proportioned and jolly riders.
Dr. Spalm

Dr. Spalm – After the usual middle-age process of having kids and getting ahead at work, I have put on a few pounds and need to get active again. I really want to do a triathlon, but the only bike I have is a mountain bike I bought at Costco. Do you suggest I ride that or buy another bike? I really like the looks of the time trial bikes.
Trying to Tri

Dear Very (Trying that is):
I am not sure how to answer you. It leads to a number of questions I have. Putting aside the question of why anyone would want to do a triathlon, my answer would be either a) Are you serious? (said ironically), or b) Are you serious? (said seriously).

The only thing sillier than trying to train for and complete a triathlon on a department-store style mountain bike would be buying a special purpose time trial bike before you have started riding or training for a triathlon. Actually, maybe the reverse is truer. I’m not sure.

Here is my suggestion. First, go ride the bike you have. Ride it as fast as you can for approximately the distance you plan to ride in the triathlon. Immediately after completing this distance, if you then feel the strong urge to hop off the bike as fast as you can and start running, preferably a marathon, then maybe you’re right that triathlons are appropriate for your future.

As a second test, I suggest that you sit down at a bar with some appropriate beverage in front of you. Briefly consider the distance the drink sits in front of you. Now, put the drink at least two bar seats away from you and then reach out to try to drink from it from this position. If you find that this new position is preferable to your starting position, then a time trial bike might be a good option for you.

Lastly, regardless of these tests, if you find that you can’t ride a bike in a straight line, you probably are a born triathlete. Good luck.
Dr. Spalm

Team Two Wheel Blog

Pivvay – Sunday spin at the beach (guest post)

Marni and I headed out for a nice sunny spin on Sunday. We both took our singlespeeds out to hit up some urban singletrack. We started out at Colorado Hills and then hit up the trails that wind around Standley Lake.
Riding with your best friend is the most fun kind of riding. It never matters where you go.

The skyline of the Front Range above the lake sure was nice.
We even got to do some sand riding thanks to some fat 29 inch rubber.

Check out more of riding and adventure stories at Slip Angle.

Lunicycle – The Bike Shop (guest post)

Guest post by: Lunicycle

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this blog are that of the guest poster, and not necessarily that of BikeBlogCollection.

I ran by my local bike shop recently to pick up a water bottle (which is what we call wishful thinking, since I can’t ride hard enough to need a water bottle right now) and I was reminded how much I like bike shops. I like the way they look, and I like the particular smell that you get, which is, I suppose, composed of equal parts new tires, new lycra, chain lube and sweaty cyclists. (If sweaty cyclists who were out for a ride and just happened to pass by the bike shop never stop in just to pick something up or get a drink or say hello or just hang out, this is a bad sign.)

Every bike shop needs a Steve. Steve is a wrench extraordinaire who has a simple philosophy: “There’s a right way to do things, and you should do things the right way.” This is a guy who I want to take care of my bike. We considered trying to get a constitutional amendment past so that the Steve in every bike shop that has one would in fact be called Steve, but we decided in the end that it wouldn’t be worth the trouble. It would save cyclists who go to new towns a whole lot of grief, though. You could walk into a bike shop and ask, “Do you guys have a Steve? No? I’ll go somewhere else, then.” Of course, then I suppose there would be unscrupulous bike shops which would hire a guy whose name happened to be Steve even though he was a Steve in the truest and best sense of the word. You’d have to watch out for places like that.

I have to admit that I have visited bike shops in other cities. I know this might seem to make me untrue to my local bike shop, but it’s okay just to look, right? That’s the excuse I offer, anyway. I would like to make it clear that I am talking about bike shops here. I would hate to think that any of your who might have happened upon this blog by accident and who ended up reading it in spite of yourselves were making extrapolations about other areas of my life. Bike shops. My local bike shop has been known to let people come in and use the tools onsite and cyclists have been allowed to watch and ask questions while their bikes were being worked on so that they could learn how to perform some of the basic tasks on their own. Yes, I know the old joke: The rates are ten dollars an hour, twenty dollars an hour if you watch, thirty dollars an hour if you help. Well, it isn’t like that. (Mind you, I have been known to provide great entertainment value. Just ask Steve about the time I took a can of degreaser and aimed it at my chain. I pressed the button and discovered that I was holding the can backwards. I degreased my face instead of the chain. It did wonders for my acne, brightened Steve’s entire week and probably created a story that will last a lifetime. It’s a bit embarrassing though, even for me, so don’t tell anyone, okay? Thank you.

If you happen to be a complete klutz, like I am (I have been known to injure myself just by watching someone else do something mechanical) it’s nice to have a trustworthy wrench you can take your bike to. If some people are mechanically inclined, I must be mechanically declined. Want proof? The first time I ever got a flat on my bike, the bike was actually sitting in a stand at home. Now, I assume that I got a slow leak while out on the road somewhere and that it just took a while for all the air to drain out, but maybe that’s not the case. Maybe my bike has picked up my klutziness and actually did get a flat while standing still. Whatever the case, I set myself to change the flat. I had been told how to do it, and I even (heaven only knows why) bought a book on bike maintenance, as if I were coordinated or something, so I felt what later proved to be a completely unjustified level of confidence in my own abilities to deal with the situation. I pulled the rear wheel off of my bike and, sitting in my house, set a record for slowest tire change in the history of bicycle repair. I did, however, manage to get the tire changed and even inflated. I did not, however, manage to get the wheel back onto the bike. I was completely stumped.

At the time I was driving a small two door car. I got the back seat lowered and, by pushing the front seats as far forward as they would go, managed to get the bike into the car. I also managed to get my body into the car, albeit with my knees under my chin and my nose touching the steering. This was obviously completely unsafe, but I drove to the bike shop anyway, where they didn’t laugh at me once as I dragged bike and wheel in. Steve then showed me what I had been doing wrong, and took my now functional bike back home and went for a ride. Since that time I have had to change a flat or two, and I have succeeded in doing it unaided, which is certainly a good thing, since they sometimes happen quite some distance from home. I’ve never been fond of that ride home with no spare tube, but that’s another story. See you on the road.

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Cycle for Change – Himalayan bicycle adventure (guest post)

Guest post by: Cycle for Change
 
Himalayan bicycle adventure (guest post)

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this blog are that of the guest poster, and not necessarily that of BikeBlogCollection. 

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